Home Video of Our Trip to New York

Movie Review:
Cloverfield

PG-13 / 1 hr., 25 min. / 2008

So you’re in charge of the video camera at a friend’s going-away party when something monstrous attacks the city. What do you do? Why, naturally, you videotape the entire harrowing escapade, no matter how hazardous it is to be holding on to the camera with one hand while trying to stay alive with the other. And that, friends, is the story of Cloverfield in a nutshell.

But I’m feeling generous, so I’ll expound just a bit more. It’s Manhattan, and the party is for Rob Hawkins (Michael Stahl-David), a twenty-something who has accepted a spiffy overseas job offer. So his circle of friends are sending him off in style. Hudson “Hud” Platt (T.J. Miller) ends up with the job of capturing farewell sound-bites from party-goers as the evening progresses.

The party has hit a low point for Rob: Old flame Beth (Odette Yustman) brought a new beau to the party, which inflames Rob’s envy even though he has a new flame himself. I think. The room was kind of noisy and I didn’t have much chance to identify characters before they became ciphers in a monster movie.

So anyway, yes, around about the time Rob is not enjoying his party anymore, The Creature From Long Island Sound makes certain he really doesn’t enjoy it at all. A huge shudder, a blackout, an explosion near the coast, and the sudden arrival of the Statue of Liberty’s head in the middle of a downtown street cause a certain amount of panic. People run everywhere, and Hud’s camera manages to catch a glimpse of something’s tail, which is big enough to indicate that even Godzilla will be cowering in fear – but I will leave that alone, as exactly what is on the rampage is the part of the movie worth discovering for yourself.

The central circle of friends, numbering about five, heads toward one of Manhattan’s bridges, but their way gets cut off. Then there’s an escape down into the subway system, and at some point Rob realizes Beth is trapped in her apartment deep in the city. Donning his shining armor, Rob heads back to rescue her, and his friends come along despite their own protests. All of which Hud gets on camera.

And that is where I simply cannot get with a film like Cloverfield. I have been the family’s camera operator since I was twelve. We have tons of footage of babies, parties, youth group camping trips, monuments, historical sites, coastlines, highways – I even have the entire experience of Disney World’s Haunted Mansion on tape. So I have a pretty good grasp of how amateur video footage looks.

Like its forerunner, The Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield is never fully convincing as supposedly accidental footage from a home video camera. The attempt is made to simulate such footage, with shots of the ground, feet running, and wild shaking images as Hud panics. But Hud has the unbelievable ability to hold that camera remarkably still at times – so still, in fact, one might suspect that he has either worked with a consumer video camera for years, or else has a steady-cam rig handy whenever he just happens to be recording something that just might later have relevance in, say, helping a theater audience follow along with either the chase or the human relationships.

Other tell-tale marks of amateur footage are missing as well. Not enough shots are cut off in mid-sentence. There are no notable digital artifacts that would normally result from the cajoling the camera takes as these guys run like mad through the city. The audio is crystal-clear for important lines of dialogue. In fact, for a bunch of college-aged kids, they found themselves a camera with a darned good microphone. The list could go on, but the point is that anyone with experience in “family vacation” videos will almost continually spot ways in which the images in Cloverfield are clearly orchestrated to look un-orchestrated.

Not to mention the fact that Hud holds on to the camera at all. Again, like The Blair Witch Project, a line or two of dialogue is meant to provide motive for Hud to keep the tape rolling even when he’s about to get shot or squashed. But it’s simply not convincing, especially as it arrives right about the time I’m thinking, “Why doesn’t he put down the camera and run?” Orchestrated to look un-orchestrated. A dead give-away.

Okay, so that’s my huge complaint. Having said that, I think Cloverfield is a much more effective movie than The Blair Witch Project. For one thing, it is actually creepy, whereas The Blair Witch Project was good for little more than curing insomnia.

I think Cloverfield manages to remain as passable entertainment because of one major element, and that is the creature. It’s creepy. Its movements are creepy. The parasitic things that enjoy a symbiotic relationship with it are creepy. There’s even a cliche “jump” moment toward the end that I must confess sent a slight tingle through me even though I predicted it.

In addition – and those of you who know me and my constant complaint about computer-generated living beings will want to buckle up and hold on, because I am about to admit something – most of the shots involving the creature are utterly convincing. This may be because the camera is jiggling, so aspects of CGI that are normally crippling to its realism are hard to focus on. Indeed, when the camera held still long enough for a solid close-up of the creature, I had my doubts about its tangibility. But I was definitely impressed by how present the creature felt overall.

The live humans are somewhat less convincing, however. Their acting is decent enough, but the script renders them all as units to be killed off instead of as interesting people who are actually identifiable from each other. Even now I am looking at the cast list and do not remember who was whom apart from Michael Stahl-David and T.J. Miller. As relative newcomers to theater screens they did a satisfactory job with the material they were given.

But oh, the material they were given! Run, scream, cry, mutter incoherent dialogue, mutter coherent dialogue that goes against all common sense, run headlong into dangerous places with no actual evidence that the goal is attainable or worth the effort. The first credit in writer Drew Goddard’s portfolio is for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which explains a lot.

Well, so, there you have it. Basically, I think the movie poster was more intriguing than the actual film. Heck, even my taping of the Haunted Mansion ride is more gripping. Who could resist a certain glee upon hearing that deep, resonating voice: “Kindly step all the way in, please, and make room for everyone. There’s no – turning – back – now!” Kind of like how you can’t get your eighty minutes back after watching Cloverfield.

My Score: 6